Cindy Murdock

my last blog

2007-02-28T11:45:00Z

This will be my last blog, so I just wanted to say that I have been smoke free for 4 months, or 120 days (November 1st 2006-present). I can honestly say I did it w/o cheating!!! Was it hard at times...of course, but I have learned to manage my cravings. There are going to be triggers every where I go, I just had to come up with a strategy that worked for me to cope in those situations. The world around me did not change, therfore I need to be ready for whatever obstacles are out there.

For anyone who is thinking about quiting I would say don't rule out NRT. When you are truly ready to make a change you may need some help. I know I did! Using the patch was probably the best decision I made in my journey. I put that patch on daily-like it was my job. I felt accomplished every time I went to buy my next phase of patches. I had tried everything from ZYBAN, the gum, and the patch before, but nothing ever worked for me. Looking back at it I really wasn't ready to quit back then. I still enjoyed smoking and couldn't see the big picture. No one can make you want this, you really do have to decide for yourself.

As a side note...It's also nice to know that when my husband and I are ready to start a family, I will be giving my child a healthier life from day one!

still smoke free

2007-02-20T13:11:00Z

Well, I'm still smoke free. It's been 3 months and 12 days. Still hard to believe if you ask me! I'm noticing as the winter weather slowly breaks to spring I find myself reminiscing about times I would enjoy a smoke out on the porch while I talked on the phone. Sounds crazy but that is a big trigger for me. Everytime I was on the phone I would go out and smoke, the 2 just naturally went hand in hand together. Now when the weather is nice I'm going to have to resist that temptation. Yes, I have some time under my belt, but this whole time I've been smoke free has basically been the cold crappy months where it has been nice not to have to bundle up to go smoke a cigarette. I'll make it through, it just sucks thinking that the next time I'm enjoying a cocktail on a patio at some bar I'm not going to be enjoying a smoke as well.

Sad but true

2007-01-23T13:38:00Z

On my way to a work meeting yesterday I saw the most sickening (and sad) thing ever. I was at a stop light downtown, I looked over and saw this old man hunched over, picking cigarette butts out of one of those smoker outpost things. Then he pulled one out that was still lit and took a puff off of it. I couldn't help but watch him. It broke my heart to see someone so desperate for a hit off a cigarette.

Stressed out!

2007-01-21T01:35:00Z

I have been so stressed out lately, it's ridiculous. I'm going to be switching jobs within the next 2 weeks so I've been trying to tie up any loose ends I have in my current position. I feel so overwhelmed personally and professionally! I still have maintained abstinent from tobacco...which in it's self is a miracle :) I have had cravings lately, but seem to deal quite well with them through random busy work. It's strange because I seem to have more cravings now then I did in the beginning. I haven't smoked in almost 3 months (82 days) you would think I would be over this hurdle by now. I guess that just goes to show the power of this addiction, it can creep back at any time if I would give into it's temptations.

pet peeve

2007-01-09T12:18:00Z

I've noticed that since I've quit smoking, I get really annoyed when people smoke around me or when I have to walk through an area where people are smoking. I hate that I come out smelling like smoke even though I wasn't the one smoking. Just being exposed for a few seconds the smell will stick to my clothes and hair (and I am a person who loves my clothes to smell like detergent and my hair to smell of shampoo!) . I now see how annoying it is for a non-smker to have to walk through the smoking area of a business (or the entry way of some buildings).

Craziness

2007-01-02T13:13:00Z

So far it has been 2 months and 2days since I've smoked. Since I have quit smoking I have had some of the most wacked out dreams at night. On a few different occasions I have dreamt that I had smoked. The dreams seemed so real. I would wake up in the morning asking myself "OK, did that really happen?" Of course they were just dreams, but these using dreams were so vivid and life like that it was spooky! I have worked with clients that have experienced "using" dreams related to alcohol & drugs, but I never would've guessed I would have one related to tobacco use.

This weight gain sucks

2006-12-28T14:35:00Z

Yesterday I decided to go new years eve shopping with a friend of mind. It sounded like fun, go look for a new outfit to wear to a new years eve party we all are going to this weekend. WRONG! I knew I had gained alittle bit of weight, but damn, I'm the heaviest I've ever been (I've gain at least 7lbs). It was such a horrible shopping experience, everything I tried on made me look fat. I seriously need to start working out. I need to tone things up before it gets out of control. I don't think I can handle another fitting room experience like that :( The sad thing is I don't even think my eating habits have changed since I quit smoking. So it's not like I'm endulging on food instead of cigs. The whole situation sickens me.

Grant it I would rather be smoke free and worry about losing these extra pounds later, but it still sucks gaining weight! I guess the only good thing is it's winter, so I still have time to lose it before summer time :)

Still here & smoke free

2006-12-18T22:37:00Z

Things are still going well, today marks my 48 day without smoking! I'm taking everything one day at a time. I haven't struggled much with cravings or anything lately. I occasionaly think how relaxing it would be to smoke a cig after a big meal, but then that thought is usually accompanied with a wake up call that I would probably get sick if I tried to smoke since it's been so long (and it would taste like dirt!). Besides-anytime I have a thought of smoking, all I have to do is remind myself of how far I've come already. That is usually enough for me to stop in tracks because that is not something I willing to give up so easily. I don't want to be the one that people look at and think "I knew she would never quit". I want people to look at me and say the opposite "how did you do it", "I'm so proud of you, I knew you could do it!".

I'm so fortunate to have great supportors on my side. Between family, friends and collegues I feel like I can turn to so many different people if I need help though this.

X-mas party

2006-12-11T13:16:00Z

Well, This weekend my husband and I went to one of his work x-mas parties. Typical food, drink and social fest. It was a lot of fun, but I think if I had been around any smokers that night I may have slipped. Alcohol is a huge trigger for my smoking. I rarely drink, but when I do it's like the two just naturally go hand and hand. Thank goodness I was surrounded by non smoking friends, otherwise I know would've smoked. I'm so glad I didn't though, because I would've kicked myself in the morning for breaking my non-smoking streak! I last smoked on Oct 31st, so I've got 41 days under my belt so far. I've had success with the patch, some days I even forget to put it on but I still manage to make it through the day. I know not to be over confident though, nicotine is scary it's so powerful...

"Quit Now" Challenge Entry

2006-12-11T13:09:00Z

I smoked my first cigarette at age 15. People always say to me "I didn't know you smoked. You don't look like a smoker". I love that comment. I always have to ask, "So, what does a smoker look like"? No one likes to answer that question because they know they are stereotyping. Although, I do feel like a junkie that has hit their ultimate bottom. After numerous failed attempts to quit I am finally fed up with tobacco. I consider myself to be knowledgeable when it comes to tobacco prevention education, etc. After all I graduated from a reputable University with a degree in Health Education. I currently work as a Prevention Specialist. It is my job to help others learn about the dangers of smoking and second hand smoke. Nothing makes you feel like a bigger hypocrite then smoking cigarettes on the way to a conference where you know all you're going to talk about is how horrible smoking is for you.

I've made myself many false promises in the past, "when I graduate from college I'll quit", or "if I get this job I'll quit". Every time my addiction over powered the promise I had made to my self. I finally realize that there is never a "good" time to quit, there is always going to be some obstacle in my life that will give me an excuse to keep smoking. This has to be a personal choice that I am ready to make for myself and I believe that time is finally right after 12 years!!! Goodbye smelly clothing, ashes in my car, & gross taste in my mouth.